I don’t think people talk enough about the year before a milestone birthday.
Everyone focuses on the excitement of turning 30 — the confidence, the glow-up, the “I finally know who I am” energy.
But no one really talks about how heavy 29 can feel when you’re quietly measuring your life and realizing you’re not where you thought you’d be.
For me, 29 wasn’t fun.
It wasn’t empowering.
It wasn’t enlightening.
It was uncomfortable.
And lonely.
And full of questions I didn’t have answers to.
✨ 29 Felt Like Taking Inventory
At 29, I couldn’t stop looking at my life like a checklist.
Where I thought I’d be.
What I thought I would’ve accomplished.
Who I thought I would’ve become by now.
And no matter how hard I tried, it never felt like enough.
I’m a mom of four.
A wife.
I’ve survived grief most people never experience.
I’ve built a family out of loss.
And still — I wasn’t happy with myself.
That realization hurt more than I expected.
✨ The Quiet Disappointment No One Sees
It’s hard to admit you’re disappointed in yourself when you’re doing so much for everyone else.
I was showing up.
Taking care of my kids.
Holding my marriage together.
Managing the chaos.
Doing what needed to be done.
But inside, I felt stuck.
Not stuck in life — stuck in me.
Like I had paused somewhere along the way and never quite came back.
✨ Turning 30 Felt Like a Deadline
As 30 got closer, the pressure got louder.
I felt like 30 was supposed to mean something — like I was supposed to arrive with clarity, confidence, direction, and peace neatly packaged.
Instead, I arrived tired.
Unsure.
Still healing.
Still questioning.
And honestly?
That scared me.
✨ The Moment Everything Shifted
Somewhere in the discomfort of 29, something cracked open.
I realized I wasn’t failing.
I wasn’t behind.
I wasn’t broken.
I was exhausted from carrying too much for too long.
Grief.
Motherhood.
Survival.
Expectations.
Comparison.
No wonder I felt lost — I hadn’t had the space to be.
✨ 30 Isn’t a Finish Line — It’s Permission
Turning 30 didn’t magically fix anything.
But it gave me permission.
Permission to stop chasing who I thought I should be.
Permission to let go of timelines that weren’t mine.
Permission to redefine success.
Permission to choose myself without guilt.
30 isn’t about having it all figured out.
It’s about finally asking:
What do I actually want my life to feel like?
✨ Choosing to Rebuild Instead of Criticize
At 30, I’m not trying to reinvent myself.
I’m rebuilding gently.
I’m learning who I am when I’m not rushing.
Who I am when I let joy be simple.
Who I am when I stop comparing my chapter to someone else’s.
I’m choosing curiosity over criticism.
Softness over survival.
Honesty over perfection.
And that feels like growth.
✨ To Anyone Sitting in Their “29”
If you’re in that in-between season — where you’re grateful but still dissatisfied, strong but still tired, accomplished but still unsure — I see you.
You’re not late.
You’re not broken.
You’re not behind.
You’re becoming.
And sometimes becoming feels like falling apart first.
✨ Final Thought
29 didn’t break me because I was weak.
29 broke me because I was finally ready to be honest.
And 30?
30 is where I stop punishing myself for not being who I thought I’d be —
and start honoring who I actually am.
This is the beginning.
Not the end.
Welcome to my becoming era. 🌙✨
